The Overly Physical Guy Friend

Oh boy, you're in a pickle.  One more groomsmen to make it eight.  It's between Cousin Mike and Vinnie, your overly physical guy friend.  You should probably go with family, but you've had one too many inebriated conversations with Vinnie that went something like this:

YOU:  It's all bullshit bro.  In the end, all you got is your family and your boys.
VIN:   Boys for life (hard punch to the arm) !!!!
YOU: You're definitely in my wedding, for sure.
VIN:  That is if we ever stop crushing chicks and decide to settle down!
YOU:  YEAH!
VIN: I will freaking crush your head though, always remember that.
YOU: Oh snap, yeah you will!

He's going to remember this.  Oh yes he is buddy.  You can't help but remember him gleeking on your arm in 8th grade lunch, towel snapping you after wrestling practice, wet-willies in study hall, crotch slap before sitting down at PF Changs, and a charlie-horse walking into the Giants game.  He never stops, ever.  If you were tougher you'd tell him to cut it out.  You'd tell him it's not your fault he was a bad D3 linebacker, but you can't, he'll beat the shit out of you.

What to do?  You and I both know he's not making the cut for the wedding.

Better wear a cup and some shoulder pads for that sitdown.